Love is the ultimate answer. Love is not an abstraction but an actual energy, or spectrum of energies, which you can "create" and maintain in your being. Just be loving. You are beginning to touch God within yourself. Feel loving. Express your love.
Love dissolves fear. You cannot be afraid when you are feeling love. Since everything is energy, and love encompasses all energies, all is love. But by all means be true in your love, for yourself and others.
Dear Indy: I recently met a guy and we have really hit it off. A couple of weeks ago I spent a weekend at his home and it was great! This guy (my boyfriend) told me at the inception of our relationship that he has two children from a previous marriage, but over that weekend he told me he has 3- the addition is the first, and doesn’t live in the country. I was pretty upset because he lied to me. He said it isn’t a big deal but to me it is especially if we’re planning on having a life together. I’m young and cannot see myself being step-mom to 3 of his offspring, plus the 2 he wants to have with me. I love him but am I being selfish? Please help! Fab Girl -NY, NY
Indy: Ok Ms.Young & Fabulous this is a bit much too take in all at once. I on the other hand understand, I myself have dated men with children and believe me it isn’t an easy situation especially when you don’t have children of your own. Your circumstances and ways of think are naturally different from those who have children.
Lets cut to the chase. The man has three children and two other women who will be in his life for the rest of his life which means those extra five people will be in your life and your children’s lives as well if you choose to be with him. Is that something your cut out for? You have to be honest with yourself. It’s not about being selfish it’s you only have one life and its precious and you owe it to yourself to be clear on what it right for you. Your boyfriend made these choices for himself and now he what’s to be with you and start a family. If you love him and him having children isn’t an issue for you I say great but believe me you should talk it over in detail and let him know your boundaries and concerns.
In my opinion if your going to be his wife, you come first he has a responsibility to you and you’re your family that he wants with you and you deserve that security. It’s about compromise and patients. If you are both on the same page with regards to your plans and your life together I say great but if you’re not there are always going to be problems. You and your mate have to have a united front so that no one will think they can disrespect or disrupt what your union means, past wives, children or anyone else. And he should know that if mama’s not happy no one will be happy, that’s you my dear.
Now lets get to the lie. Why is he lying about his child? Red flags are going up for me. And him saying it's not a big deal well that’s ridiculous. Whether the child is here or in another country is beside the point this child will have brothers and sister and a stepmother to look forward to. Your children may want to know their sibling and have a relationship, which they should. And once again what's up with the lying. I think this is an issue you should resolve before you start discussing marriage or children. The last thing you want to do is be tied down in a relationship with children and a man that lies. Remember your young and fabulous I say do without until you know for sure if this is the situation for you.
Dear Indy: I'm a 28-year-old smart, pretty woman whose heart was shattered by a man I adored. After spending six months getting to know him, and another year living in another country to be with him, he out of the blue decided he wasn't in-love with me anymore. With my heart in my carry on bag I came back home and I've successfully picked up the pieces. My issue is I recently received a call from him saying he was coming to the city and would like to go out for dinner. Should I go? Will I look desperate? I still care about him but I don't want to be in a relationship with him ever again.
Gail-Astoria, NY
Indy: Yes by all means go, and make sure you look and feel fabulous. This is graduation day for you girlfriend. You already know you don’t want to be with him so there’s no chance of you being disappointed because you don’t have any expectations. Be strong and have fun this could be a good friendship. You’ll feel good when you see that you can be friends with him and still feel confident about the choice to not be with him. Have no doubts, you will be ok.
0 comments:
Post a Comment